The 3 Step Solution To Failure
Everyone fails- here's how to make the most of it so it wouldn't happen again.
What’s the worst thing you’ve ever experienced? What’s the defeat that made you want to curl up in a ball and die? Or, more likely want to curl up with some chocolates and binge watch Orange Is The New Black. Whether it’s losing a job, getting cut from a team, or having an owner pull their dog away when you want to pet them, we’ve all felt the sting of failure. For me, the only defeat worse than having the opportunity to cuddle man’s best friend slip through your fingers was being cut from my dance team. And I’ll tell you by the end of this post how I got over it and almost any other defeat that has come my way since. Given this incident happened in sixth grade I was probably more upset than justifiable; however, at the time I was devastated. Really devastated. And angry. So, naturally, I curled up on my coach and binged what was the sixth-grade version of my Orange Is The New Black, Dance Moms. The irony of the situation combined with Abby’s snarky comments soothed the sting of the day. Now I won’t get into the details of the event, I’m sure nobody reading this wants to delve into the details of my middle school dilemma; however, I will tell you what I did after. As mentioned before, my instant solution was to lay and wallow in my defeat, a solution similar to sticking a Band-Aid over a bullet wound, if we can dramatize the situation enough. I have since learned that this is definitely not the best coping technique, as all I got for watching half a season of Dance Moms was a headache and sleep deprivation the next morning. Now I’m not saying don’t take your time, that is actually the first step of overcoming any defeat, but do it in a way that won’t give you a pounding headache and dark circles the day after. Instead, try something either productive or at least actually relaxing. My tried and true way (and trust me this is legit, I have been defeated a considerable amount of times) is reading a book. And if books aren’t really your thing, try a magazine or even an article on your phone. Anything to get you immersed in something else and out of your head. This trick I learned post- Dance Moms incident, and if it can help an overdramatic middle schooler get out of her rut than I promise it will help you. Number 2, confront the thing, head on, immediately. Your feelings and confidence will dwindle if you don’t do it immediately following rule Step 1, meaning whatever chance you got rejected from continues to slip further and further away. For me, this meant continuing to dance at the studio and to keep showing up at those classes. I worked hard, signed up for more classes, and didn’t hide my face even though that was all I wanted to do. This wasn’t only a set back for my dancing, it was also embarrassing. So I tried out again in the spring, hoping that my work over the past 6 months had paid off and… I didn’t make it. Again. Not the ending I had hoped for, I mean working hard means I get what I wanted right? That’s what that one scene in Hercules said- so where was my reward?
Shockingly enough, that’s not how the world works, and that’s not how my dance studio works either. I won’t detail my dance career between sixth grade, and now, that’s a lot of sweat and bloody toes that I don’t think anybody wants to hear. But, I will say this- in my last show that I did with the studio I was an angel fairy, a 10 minute solo in pointe shoes. I have won platinum numerous times, and my solo was ranked #2 in a national competition. So what changed from being cut twice to now? Step 3, the knowledge that everything is temporary, and allowing yourself to let life lead where you need to go. That’s not to say sit down and wait for opportunities to knock on your door, but to trust the process that you have.
Believe me, I know that you think “trusting the process” is a load of crap, but take it from someone who has failed a colossal amount of times and will probably fail a whole lot more, it’s true. It took me a long time to trust that I was doing the right thing and I know it stressful, but if there’s anything I learned from sixth grade to now, its that believing that you're doing the right thing is essential to overcoming a defeat. (Also the fact that those colored bows from Claire’s do not look good in my hair). Overall, give yourself time to feel sad, confront the issue and work towards improving it, and then trust that trying to improve yourself consistently will lead you to where you need to be.
-The Boss Lady
